


Give Me a Break

by Hasegawa



Series: DCU Drabbles: Lost Stars [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Angst, Confusion, F/M, M/M, Tim is trying, Tim quits, batfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 07:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4738553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hasegawa/pseuds/Hasegawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you cared, you would have known. Tim wondered. Whether it was fair for him to think like that. To expect that Dick cared enough for his life. Like Tim cared when Dick separated from Roy, or Kori. Or the worst, Babs. When he tried his best to keep updated with everyone’s life, to be there when he needs them. Maybe they didn’t need Tim, and Tim trying too hard to be there just became a nuisance. How much can Tim demand from people who supposed to care for him? Like his parents, Bruce, Kon… how much can Tim ask? What is the boundary? Is it fair for Tim to want… to wish that they cared in a way in such they known at least his feeling? </p><p>How much can he expect people to ‘care’?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me a Break

“Replacement.”

 

Tim didn’t show anything to recognise Red Hood, who was standing behind him. He kept onto his laptop, busy reading away a lot of law procedures on how to get emancipation. He had known Red Hood would be giving him a visit that night, just with a glance over the tracking system he had on Red Hood. Tim was nothing but not thorough; he used the numbers and tracking to calculate everything, so that he could be prepared for everything and he could please everybody. Now, he didn’t have the urge to please—at least not as heavy as it used to be—and so he kind of ignored the tracking system.

 

Tim also forwent the communication system, ignoring the call from Oracle since an hour ago. It was only a ordinary request anyway, in which Tim believes Damian or Dick could finish it in half an hour. They don’t really need him; not really. Even with the whole week off when he was crying his heart out; nobody went to ask how he was; if that is the case then Tim has no obligation to care about them whatsoever.

 

It used to hurt; but now Tim accepted it as any other fact; like Joker is crazy genius or Gotham is horrendously beautiful.

 

“Hey, when are you going to stop ignoring me?” Red Hood snarled; his arm reaching to grab Tim’s shoulder. Tim swiftly dodged, moving his body to the side and taking the laptop with him. Can’t Red Hood see that Tim was not even in his uniform? The place was one of Tim’s usual safe houses, further away on the outskirt of the city, and usually Tim used it as a sanctuary. People don’t usually disturb him when he nested inside this safe house, although all of them knows exactly where that safe house is. Usually Tim only went there when it was the anniversary of his parent’s accident and Janet’s death, which probably why people let him alone there.

 

“What do you want, Hood?”

 

“Look at your phone, Replacement. I am not your courier.”

 

“…Fine, thank you.” Tim didn’t have the will in him to argue. For all it’s worth, the message would be just a text with name, place and time. Such is the usual Oracle message; she always concise and straight to the point.

 

She would never consider that other people have their own personal life too; unlike her who do it as her main day job.

 

The silo mindedness made him wondered. How had they survived being a vigilante group? Any villain smart enough can use this crack in between and wiped them out within a week. At least, Tim could do it in two days; so a smart thug can do it in minimum a week or so.

 

He ignored the standing man behind him, knowing full well now he had picked Jason’s interest on him. Red Hood might be harsh and rough; but he is surprisingly sensitive inside. Tim had seen him in various time and places, giving abandoned dogs and cats some milk or bread. He knows how to be sweet when he wanted to.

 

But people tends to see what they wanted to see.

 

If he didn’t care at all about Tim, no matter how long he observed him, Jason would never understand what was happening to Tim.

 

And Tim is totally fine with it.

 

* * *

 

 

Tim opened up his eyes to find that the alarm will start to blow just in 4 seconds.

 

4, 3, 2, 1…. And the alarm rung like it always does every time. The annoying sound filled the room.

 

Tim rubbed his eyes, then rose and yawned. It was the day; he would leave Gotham.

 

His things are packed; none other than his important hard drives and laptop. Some shirt and pants (Tim didn’t have the will to pack the rest—he could try a new life as a nudist, if he must—who cares anyway?), his books, and the important documents (like his birth certificate, bank statement—he didn’t want Batman to hold it over his head and required him to return to become Batman’s slave).

_Two days after Hood came, Dick—Nightwing—came._

_“Hey, little brother.” He smiled his charming, boyish smile Tim used to worship. The smile he had when he was still a Robin, running on the roof, kicking bad guys. The smile Tim fell in love to. That was not fair. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you much around.”_

_Tim stood there—Dick caught him when he was just out from the bathroom from a long, deserving, relaxing bath—and fortunate enough to be dressed. Otherwise it would be bad for his self esteem. Because no matter what he did; Tim was just not blessed like Dick does—his body would never attain that lovely, perfect muscular body. Tim is thin; that’s a fact. He used to be brittle too; before the training as Robin._

_“Hey, hey? Bat got your tongue?” he asked good naturedly._

_“Nothing.” Tim sighed. He needs to give his heart a break. He loves many, too deep. His parents, Batman—Bruce, Nightwing—Dick, Superboy—Kon. And nobody did the same for him. He needs to stop giving his heart a free reign over his common sense. “Just surprised. Why are you here, Di—Grayson?”_

_“What are you calling me, little bro? Are you alright?”_

_“hnn.” Tim didn’t trust his tounge enough. Jason, he could be cold to. But Dick? It was a hard test indeed. He could never be cold to his … his first love. His first true family. His first heartbreak. They said monkey love always stays. Your first always there. And Dick was always there._

_Dick came and slipped his arms on Tim’s shoulder. Tim was shorter than him; and sometime he liked it because he could always look up to Dick. But now, he cursed it because he really didn’t need the skin on skin touch. “Hey, don’t be so cold. It’s been, what, two? Three weeks? I feel lonely, Tim. You seem too.”_

_“What… are you saying.” Tim forced himself to smile._

_“I have asked around—hey, have you seen Kon? The boy is looking for you.”_

_“What would he want from me?”_

_“Don’t you guys like, going out together? Honey, don’t be too hard on the supes. They are thick on the head alright.”_

_“How would you know?” Tim whispered softly. The Kon he knew was smart enough; smart and sneaky enough to be able to cheat him with another with Tim knowing nothing. The Bat detective he was._

_“I have seen it in his father—superman is a mighty hero but not so mighty on the thinking department. Bat over supes, yeah?”_

_Was that it? Tim wondered. That Bat is better than everyone? Was it how they indoctrinated Tim into believing being a Bat was everything good the world can offer?_

_“Hey? Tim?” Dick called and touched his cheek. A pair of brilliant blue eyes looked into Tim’s soul. Tim wondered whether that was how legilimency felt like. Tim felt guilty for having any thought at all. He loved this man. A lot. He wished, he still wished about Dick and him. No._

_Tim wondered since he decided to fuck it all, was it possible for him to end all of this charade of close brother relationship with a forced kiss? Tim wanted to kiss Dick since long ago, since he saw Robin flying beside Batman. Not when they first met though; because Tim was still too small to contemplate love._

_“Stop this, Dick. I need you to go, please.”_

_“Tim?”_

_“Please leave.”_

_“What are you saying? Please let me help you… what happened? Is there something wrong? Something hurt? Something wrong? Tim?”_

_“Don’t..”_ Pretend _. Shit. Tim couldn’t content himself. “Please show yourself out. I am just…not in the mood.”_

_“What…” Dick grab tighter on his shoulder; but Tim shrugged it away._

_“Don’t. Don’t pretend like you care.”_

_“What is it? Tim? I …”_

_“Nothing. Nothing, I am sorry. Just… please go.”_

_“Tim? Why? Did something happened? Come on, tell me. I care about you.”_

_If you cared, you would have known. Tim wondered. Whether it was fair for him to think like that. To expect that Dick cared enough for his life. Like Tim cared when Dick separated from Roy, or Kori. Or the worst, Babs. When he tried his best to keep updated with everyone’s life, to be there when he needs them. Maybe they didn’t need Tim, and Tim trying too hard to be there just became a nuisance. How much can Tim demand from people who supposed to care for him? Like his parents, Bruce, Kon… how much can Tim ask? What is the boundary? Is it fair for Tim to want…. to wish that they cared in a way in such they known at least his feeling?_

_How much can he expect people to ‘care’?_

_Have Tim given enough of that ‘care’ to others too?_

_And why everything is so complicated—more like equivalent exchange? Had Tim given enough ‘care’ to be worthy of such ‘care’ from others?_

_“…Ask Superboy.”Tim swallowed hard. “I… I don’t… Please just leave.”_

_“Tim…”_

_“Don’t say it like you don’t mean it, Dick. I have had enough.”_

_“Tim…”_

_“It’s Drake for you now.” Tim hissed and closed the door to his bedroom, locking it._

_Gosh, he was such a wreck._

It was easier to not care then. Tim slept it off, woke up with a headache; but then spending the whole day thinking about it, Tim made up his mind. He was right putting the line again. There was so much he could give, and he had long passed the quota. Sooner or later he needs to explode, and it was as good as now. Tim –the new Timothy Drake—is free.

 

He ignored the messages on his phone; and after a few minutes, he turned it off.

 

He might be childish in ways that he was forcing his line, but he needs to love himself first now.

 

And if loving himself means he needs to create a line from everybody who ‘cares’, then so be it.

 

He took his small suitcase and prepared his ticket. He wont be staying in Gotham anymore.

 

Tim Drake is free.

 

 


End file.
